Monthly Archives: February 2013

Full disclosure please

I had fully intended this week to post on our trip back to New Zealand (which seems a lifetime ago now) & will do so no doubt. Well, given the boys (the  smaller ones that is) & I head back there this week for some dental work I need – I may just blog about that trip.

Should we survive the flight, that is.

What I have been thinking about the past couple of days is the need, I feel, for full disclosure in the pre-parenting department.

When you go to the doctor & mention you’re thinking  about “trying” – “is there anything I should know?”… Rather than the usual list:

  • start taking folic acid
  • maintain regular exercise
  • limit alcohol & caffeine
  • eat healthy etc etc

Here’s what I think should be in the brochure: WARNING

  • you may spend 3.5263 years of the following 20 picking up small pieces of lego
  • you will likely spend a small fortune on clothes that no longer fit within a week but cannot be returned thanks to that grass stain.
  • you will also spend a small fortune on clothes that are soon discarded & deemed “not cool”.
  • you will potentially mop pee off your floor 3x a day
  • you will frequently find number 2’s in the potty that may have been present a long period of time.
  • you will often find rogue pieces of dried pasta, half eaten cookie or carrots hidden amongst couch cushion, tucked in beside chair legs, under beds.
  • you will not finish a conversation with another adult for at least the next 5 years
  • you will age at a rate faster than nature intended
  • you will stop being able to use big words for a significant period of time (or possible permanently – I’m yet to find out).
  • you will need negotiation tools – & time. Lot’s of time to leave the house, using said negotiation tools.
  • your car will become like another home/kitchen filled with both toys, small people transportation devices & food or what remains of it.
  • you will soon stop seeing the finger prints on the glass door, the snot wiped on walls, the pee marks gathering under the seat at rapid rate.
  • nothing will be more grounding than toilet training

And especially:

  • do not underestimate your children – especially those who can climb (perfect example being Mylo who placed a chair on top of a table to scale the fridge, retrieve the chocolate sauce hidden above the fridge only to consume it under his bed. He was 2).

Pasta mess

And while not the last on my list, but up there with my “I wish I’d known”

  • your handbag will no longer be your own.

Case in point: I was heading off to the gym yesterday & fossicking round my bag looking for headphones ( so that of course, I could watch Real Housewives whilst on the elliptical  – we no longer have cable so I’m completely out to the loop).

The term “fossicking” I do not use lightly – here is what I had to remove to find my headphones:

  • 2x apple sauce squeezy bags
  • one pencil case
  • a shred of a popped balloon
  • a green rubber ball
  • 1x eye patch
  • 1x plastic penguin
  • 3x peanut butter cereal pieces

super hero chaos

Belonging to me:

  • 1 x wallet & phone
  • 5 receipts
  • 1x contract for Ethan’s latest activity
  • sunglasses

This post comes as the result of a housecleaning mission – one which came only 5 days after the previous one… but where at least half an hour was spent collecting 20+ piece of rogue lego, beads, plastic stars, half eaten chocolate chip cookies, a bowl of hidden pineapple pieces before even beginning the mission.

I used to have such a perfect home.

…. But, I guess on the list should also go:

  •  you’ll never feel your heart squeezed as tight as it will be watching your child read or look at a book & talk to themselves; sing the abc’s or “this old man”
  • you’ll never smile so big when you’re told “you didn’t do the diamond for twinkle twinkle” or when you watch the most intensive game of pirates there could possibly be in all or childhood history
  • feel as loved or content as that moment they crawl into bed & snuggle right down into the crook of your arm, head burrowed into you neck whilst gently patting your face
  • feel so proud as when your kid says “good job Mom” (in their American accent so different to my own)
  • crack up laughing when they sneak out of bed unbeknownst to you & you find them wandering the house: in a life jacket; or you find them racing down the street in nothing but spiderman undies, a gun tucked down the side & a sword thrown in the air.
  • that kids will bring more love, more laughter & more frustration than any list can prepare you for.

Golden Bay 2012

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